"That was Cool Mom!"

I am completely captivated by my oldest son. He is intelligent, comical, and extremely talented.  He is my heart and I treasure his smile.

He is 14.

So the little boy who used to tell me everything about his day and ask to take my hand with him to school has grown up.

His words are few.

He eats everything.

His smiles have changed from the excitement of our time together to him telling stories about his time with friends.

A few days ago he asked me to come outside and ride his longboard.  He wanted me to "bomb some sick hills" with him. (That's skateboard down a hill for us who are over 35)

I agreed.  Of course I did.  My 14 year old son is not asking me to longboard. He's asking me to spend time with him. So I go. I accept the challenge.

That's not me! That's my boy and the sick hill I  bombed!

As I walked outside, the only thought I had was that when I was younger I had a red skateboard with metal wheels and I made it do what it DO! Do you hear me?!  I was the skateboarding QUEEN! 

Hills. No problem.

Turns. How many?

Stopping. Why?

So of course I was READY!

I bravely got on the board.

And something began to happen.. It wasn't familiar. Wobbling of some sort.

I wondered who took my BALANCE because it was not with me!

My body kept moving without my permission.  I began to try to get some control. It wanted to fall and I kept fighting it.  And that was only one foot.

When I carefully placed my other foot on the board, my hands automatically went straight up in the air.  It was like they were on autopilot. What is happening?!

Where are the breaks?

Wait. Just wait. It's moving by itself. Why?  I don't remember this.

My mind told me that I could do it. Over and over. My body told me that my mind lied. Over and over.

I can't stop now though. I gotta keep going. I can do this!

My son looked at me with excitement. I couldn't figure out if he smiled at my bravery or he was picturing me falling!

So I push off and proceed to go downhill. WHY did I choose to go down a hill?

Oh NOW my mind wants to be rational!  Now it's asking the right questions. I'm rolling down a hill! A HILL!

My mind changed and began to betray me. It proceeded to tell me about death on a skateboard. It flashed pictures of me falling and breaking bones. It whispered to me that I could fall and knock out my front teeth. Lord knows that dental insurance does not cover implants!

I'm rolling faster. This is crazy. WHAT am I doing?

How do I turn?

My kids are screaming "Go Mommy!"

I go. Hands up in air. The ground moving quickly past me.

How do I stop?!

Abort! Abort!

My mind quickly told me "You are doing it! GO!"

I raise my hand in victory and yelled out!

My body said "fool...you are going to DIE!"

I jumped off!

My heart beating ferociously from excitement and terror!

Then I must act cool because I made it do what it do again.

He was completely excited and I was still ALIVE!

He smiled and said "that was cool mom."

That statement made it all worth it!

He will not remember my inner turmoil or my gripping fear.

He will remember the time when his mom bombed a sick hill with him.

And then he will smile.

Life is quick. Busy. Our kids are growing fast. We want so much for them but mostly they just want our time. They want to share with us what they enjoy.

And when we do.

They will smile.

Yes...even 14 year old boys!



Blessings!



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