I'm Glad Mother's Day is Done

Fourteen years ago I whispered those words. 

My husband and I got the news that we were expecting a baby and our life immediately changed. We were so excited about our expanding family. We began planning and talking about how life would be different. We discussed moving, schools, careers etc. We were anxiously awaiting the birth of our daughter Grace. We couldn't wait to meet her. At 22 weeks, I went to the doctor and was immediately taken to the hospital. I was told that my daughter was coming sooner than we anticipated. We prayed, cried and prayed more. How could this be happening? At that moment, everything we thought was real was questioned. We were thrown into a world that we didn't know existed. A world where pregnancy didn't mean a healthy baby. Our precious daughter died at birth. We held her in our arms as she fought to breathe with her underdeveloped lungs. Our hearts were beyond broken. Words cannot express the agony of losing a child. We buried our baby and prayed for restoration.

Seven months later I was pregnant again. At 19 weeks I was again placed in the hospital. For three weeks I prayed that our son Caleb would be born. This time we were hopeful. We were sure that it wouldn't happen twice. Of course, this time would be different. At 22 weeks, our sweet Caleb died in our arms at birth. Our world went silent. 

For years, we prayed and mourned the loss of our children. 

Of course many days after were tough. Mother's Day was especially difficult. I didn't know how to answer, "Are you a Mom?"  I didn't know how to respond to "Happy Mother's Day!" It was not a happy day. I was a Mom but I wasn't a Mom. I was a mother by definition but I was not a mother by experience. Seeing other Moms with their children was hurtful. Pregnant women were painfully obvious. I was broken. I couldn't wait for the day to end. My challenge was just to traverse the day.

I want to dedicate this post to those who have done the same. 

This is for the women who hope they are not asked if they are mothers. It's to those who don't know how to answer "How many kids do you have?"  It's to my sisters whose hearts are aching and arms are empty. It's to those who have experienced stillbirth and to those who have had one or multiple miscarriages. It's for Moms who have suffered Perinatal, Postnatal or Neonatal death.

I prayed for you on Mother's Day. I prayed that the Lord would comfort you. I prayed that you were surrounded by those who love you and are walking with you during this difficult season. I also prayed that he shields your heart. I prayed that the loving intent of comfort from those around you was received. I prayed that you extended grace to those who may not have understood your pain. I prayed for you if you felt ignored or forgotten.  I prayed that the Lord would calm your heart's ache and wipe away your tears.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18 (NLT)

I can't answer the question "Why?" But I know from experience that God is faithful. He restores. He comforts. He heals. 

In 2000, 2001 and 2007 the Lord answered our prayers. He was gracious and gave us 3 wonderful children. I am overwhelmed by Him.  

Mother's Day 2013

I don't know how or when He will answer. But I know He will.  He'll come. I can't guarantee what His answer will be but his Grace is sufficient. 

I am praying for you.


Blessings

The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!'
The LORD is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the LORD.
For the Lord does not abandon anyone forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion according to the greatness of his unfailing love."
Lamentations 3:22-26; 31-32 (NLT)


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